Funny Stories

"I'm older."

"I'm faster."

"I'm smarter."

"I'm quicker."

"…You just said 'faster'."

"So?"

"You're stupider."

"You're slower."

"I have more fans."

"I'm original."

"I'm the Ultimate Lifeform."

"I'm the Speed Demon."

Yes, it was the weekly "I am" fight between the hedgehogs everyone knows as Shadow and Sonic. Both of their egos had gotten the better of their common sense, and now they were fighting. And, as usual, the beginning was interesting, both with snarky and smart ass comments, but soon that wore down and now everyone- the usual eight- was restlessly waiting for the fight to come to a close.

It had started out when they had promised they would visit for a quiet, calm day at Emerald Beach. No one would be there, spring would be coming in the next week or so, and they could all relax from the stress that had slipped on their shoulders. Shadow had been dragged against his will by Rouge (who was only really going to get Knuckles' attention). To pass the time Tails was trying to ignore the two hedgehogs arguing whilst he tinkered on a new machine; Amy listened to the two bickering; and Silver, Knuckles and Rouge were betting on who was going to win. Rouge believed Shadow would win, but the other two were sure Sonic would triumph.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think Sonic will actually beat Shadow this time," Knuckles pointed out. Silver nodded in agreement, and Rouge laughed.

"How much are you two willing to bet?"

"Only twice than what you want," the hedgehog remarked, and instantly regretted it when the bat smirked.

"So if I'm betting fifty, you two are both betting a hundred?"

Knuckles glared at Silver. "Thanks a lot, you Silver Idiot."

Silver's ears drooped in embarrassment, and he turned back to the two fighting. Shadow had his arms crossed while Sonic was facing the opposite way, foot tapping and arms in front of his chest, trying to think about what he was better at.

"Did I say smarter?" He asked.

"I said that, dumbass," Shadow rolled his eyes.

"Oh…."

"C'mon, Faker, I have to be at GUN in ten minutes- can you be any slower?" He snapped as Sonic counted off on his fingers what had been said. "

"Smarter, faster, original…did I say I'm better looking?"

"No."

"Well I am."

"In your dreams."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

"Not until you do it first, Highlighter!" Now the argument was getting interesting. Tails had raised his head and the foursome betting on who was going to win were suddenly mentally begging the one they had put money on to triumph.

"Take it back, you little cretin!"

"What, ran out of actual material? Face it, Shads, I'm better!"

"I can go all day, Faker! Keep on bugging me!"

"Bring it on, Faker!" The two glared at each other until Sonic started to laugh. "What's so funny?"

The blue hedgehog crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I'm the better singer."

As soon as the words left his rival's mouth, Shadow's angry expression dropped into a blank stare. Sing? What made the faker think of that? Shadow the Hedgehog didn't sing. He felt it wasn't his place to. "What, you think you're better than me?"

"I know I am."

"We'll see about that!" Shadow stormed off angrily. He gripped Sonic's shoulder and dragged him away. Immediately, the Speed Demon started panicking.

"H-hey, Shads, I was just kidding! We're friends, right?"

"If you want to see who the better singer is, we're going to see for ourselves."

"Their egos are so huge, they make your-" Knuckles began to Rouge, but stopped when he saw her shocked look that he would even mention that. And to make matters worse, his eyes averted back and forth between her aquamarine pair to her chest. He started to walk faster and ahead of her with a deep, bright flush on his cheek as he ignored Amy and Tails' taunting laughs.

Sonic and Shadow had stopped at a street corner in Station Square, and had positioned their backs against the other. The former picked up an electric guitar and tossed it to Silver, who looked at it with curiosity. There was a set-up of musical instruments- both bass and electric guitar and drums- and although they were already being used, the musicians had stopped to see what would happen between the two hedgehogs.

Knuckles absentmindedly grabbed a pair of drumsticks and started twirling them around his fingers. "How you two have the ability to make fools out of yourselves is beyond me," he rolled his eyes.

"Echidna- drums- now," Shadow ordered, pointing toward the instrument. The Guardian sighed.

"I'm not getting a say in this, am I?"

"No one has a say when I demand something."

As he did, Sonic looked at the hedgehog. "Do you even know Aerosmith's music?" He questioned.

"Of course I do."

"But…do you think you have that range? I mean, Steven Tyler is, like-" Sonic mimicked one of the crazy "screams" of the rock star- which actually wasn't that bad of an imitation. "Sure you can reach that?"

"I'm the Ultimate Lifeform. I can do anything."

"Riiiiiiight. Except sing."

"Can it."

Sonic mouthed the song to Silver, who started laughing out loud. But Shadow glared at him, and he stopped. Instead, he, Knuckles and a random bass player began the intro to one of the famous Aerosmith songs and, after a while of the solo, Sonic turned to the small audience and started off rather nicely (with a smile as cocky as ever):

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

With every part of the bass drum in the last lyric, Sonic tapped his foot to it. So far, he was making a big impression on them, and the crowd cheered for their blue hero. Amy was grinning, as were Knuckles and Silver. Rouge was fuming; she had to get that money! Tails was listening intently, showing no emotion yet holding it back.

Shadow's part came up next. For some reason, he had memorized the words after listening to the song the first time he heard it (with a memory like his, it was easy to remember and hard to forget something). He tensed up, and opened his mouth to sing.

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know everybody's sin
You've got to lose to know…how to win

As soon as they heard Shadow (now standing next to his rival) sing, they all started cheering and clapping for him. Silver bit his lip, trying not to laugh (he found this amusing despite the fact he might was losing a hundred bucks). Knuckles was trying not to growl in agitation. Rouge, eyes wide, was staring at him in shock with a grin. Tails' ears perked straight up in surprise, and Amy was smirking, arms crossed with a glint in her eye. This was getting interesting.

But if there was anyone that was shocked the most, it was Sonic. As soon as the Ultimate Lifeform began, the Speed Demon's eyes were wide, his jaw dropped, and his mind went blank. Shads never said he couldn't sing…he just said he didn't. Upon seeing his face, Shadow smirked smugly and continued:

Half my life's in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and from sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you

The blue hedgehog's expression hardened. Now it was on.

Sonic:
Sing it with me, sing for the year

Shadow:
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear

Sonic:
Sing with me if it's just for today

Shadow:
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Sonic:
Take you away

The two had their noses touching during the small solo and they were growing angry. The other was going to triumph. He was positive.

"Think you have the guts to beat me?" Shadow wondered.

"Ha!" Sonic smirked. "Dream on, Shads! I'm triumphin' over this fight this time, and I am not backing down!"

"Heh; you're mistaken. I think you mean breaking down, Hedgehog." Upon hearing this, Sonic growled.

Sonic:
Yeah

Both:
Sing it with me, sing for the year

Shadow:
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear

Sonic:
Sing with me if it's just for today

Both:
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Sonic:
Yeah,
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream until the dream comes true

Shadow:
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream until your dreams come through
Yeah

They were glaring at the other, backs together and their heads touching- practically tearing the other apart with their glowers of hatred.

Shadow:
Dream on

Sonic:
Dream on

Shadow:
Dream on

Sonic:
Dream on

Both got on their knees, actually managing to hit the high note:

Both:
Dream on, dream on, dream on
Oh

As that note was heard, the now bigger audience clapped loudly for the two hedgehogs. Their friends had astonished looks on, because:

1) Who knew Shadow had that range and voice?

2) Who knew Shadow could sing?

And 3) Who knew Shadow could sing harmony?

The two singers started up again, and started:

Both:
Sing it with me, sing for the year

Sonic:
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear

Shadow:
Sing with me if it's just for today

Both (Sonic slight harmony):
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

By now, the two were in each other's faces and cocky as ever, knowing he was going to win. The trio were getting nervous; both were really good and both were making the audience (which had gotten bigger) riled up. It was as if Aerosmith, with Steven Tyler, was actually in front of them. And the two Mobians on drums and electric guitar weren't that bad either.

Shadow:
Sing it with me

Sonic:
Sing for the year

Both (second stanza only- Sonic on harmony):
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Shadow:
He'll take you away

The final note ended, and the two (who were now touching noses once again) finished off with a final glare and the separating of them. Sonic rotated around to his right, back facing his opponent, and Shadow walked to the left. Both were finished, and they were going to leave.

"Rouge- work- now," the highlighted hedgehog ordered, and the bat followed after him- but not before rushing over and giving Knuckles a quick peck on the cheek.

"That was some sexy drumming you did," she flirted. "Anything else you're good at banging?" The Guardian blushed deeply as she walked off, purposely shaking her hips to attract him. Silver chuckled at the last comment.

"That's what she-" He started.

"Silver!" Knuckles growled threateningly, prepared to pounce on him if he finished that sentence. To get the attention off of him, the nine-spiked hedgehog then looked towards Sonic, who was scowling as the crowd dispersed.

"So…who won?"

"No one," he growled deeply. "It's a stalemate."

"A…what?" The two talented with the musical instruments looked at the blue hero once again.

"I dunno; it's some word Tails uses."

Silver and Knuckles looked at each other, confused. The former shrugged his shoulders, took the guitar strap away from his neck and gave it back to the bassist. "Well, as much as that was interesting, I've got to get Blaze from Cream's house."

"Good luck, Lover Boy!" Amy called to him, only for him to blush almost as deep as Knuckles' fur. The pink hedgehog then looked back at her love. "Sonikku, it's not a big deal. You had one competition one time! Who cares if he was better or not?"

"Yeah," Tails nodded in agreement, his twin tails twisting around his legs. "I'm pretty sure you two were even at that level. Besides…you shouldn't even be caring so much about this."

"Yeah, well, I do!" He snapped, and held in his anger just as quick as he had said that. "Tails, he's my rival. We hate anything about each other, and he drives me insane. I was here before him, and if he's going to go against that, I'll make sure I'm better than him!" And with that, he sped off with a sonic boom to wherever his feet led him, hoping to find something entertaining.

"Wait, Sonic!" The pink hedgehog called, and started to go after him, leaving Tails and Knuckles behind.

"C'mon, Fox Boy," Knuckles sighed, walking in the opposite direction Shadow had gone. "You're taking me back to my island." The orange fox faithfully walked behind him, but stopped.

"Knuckles…do you ever think what it would have been like if there was no Shadow or Rouge? Like, it'd be more peaceful and less fighting, don't you think?"

The echidna looked at the kitsune curiously. "I fight with Sonic."

"Yeah, but that's old, Knuckles. Plus, you always end up throwing rocks at his head anyways."

"So? He gets on my nerves!"

"True….And then there's Rouge, who-you-so-have-a-crush-on, a-"

"What'd you say, you little roach?" Knuckles towered over Tails with a threatening fist.

"Nothing! Nothing, Knux! Absolutely, completely nothing! I-I-I-I promise!"

"You better had said nothing," he glowered, and continued to walk.

"…I still think you like her."

"TAILS!"